On Parenting

I have seen some of the most absurd parenting brags on social media lately. 5 weeks old "potty training," debates on the validity of the cry-it-out method, and your typical "so proud of my kid/look what it can do" boast posts.

I have 4 children. A 16 y/o daughter, 14 y/o son, and boy/girl 8 y/o twins. In short I have dealt with my fair share of insanity. I used to have it all neatly packaged and knew exactly what to do. Then, as if some cosmic force slowed the earth's orbit, I had an awakening. What awakening you ask? My awakening was that indeed I was fucking up my kids, we all are!

Of course, I do have 2 hard and fast "rules." First, never live vicariously through my children and protect their autonomy (even from me their mother). Second, celebrate their individuality. That's it! Physical protection is in there somewhere, you know the "mom gauge" of the severity of this current adventure going awry (tree climbing, starting fires, etc.). So long as potential injuries won't require more than 6 weeks of healing, I let them be.

The judges, of whether we are fucking up or not, are our kids. BEWARE! No one knows your flaws, nerves, and hurts like the ones that spent 9 months inside of you. They will use this knowledge to their benefit at the exact onset of your weakest moments! No one means to raise an asshole, but I sure have met my fair share of them!

In short, cease immediately potty training the newborn (I think you are suffering a breakdown or have the rose colored mom goggles tinted to magenta honey), hold your kids or leave them in the crib, and for the sanity of us all stop boast posting every moment of your children's lives!