After what I realize was many years of worsening depression, I finally spoke to my doctor about my symptoms a year ago. I look back at how bad I felt and am so relieved I chose to get help; however, I have a problem.
I am often confronted with questions. "What do you have to be sad about?" and "Why are you depressed?" I try to be patient and explain it, but have more recently replied with "mental illness runs in my family, I guess it got me too!" That generally shuts people up, but it closes off some much needed influence I could provide.
I am very content in my life. I have a great family and we enjoy a middle class lifestyle. I am an avid book reader and home school 3 of my 4 children. I of course will cry if I am unmedicated, but not from sadness. Depression symptoms are sometimes hard to spot, my most apparent was extreme exhaustion. I fought many years trying to pull myself up by the boot straps, struggled through college, exercise required a nap (never the energy boost promised), etc. The symptoms of depression feel hopeless. I am not "sad."
I am an optimist. I have always been able to endure hard times while holding onto glimmers of hope. Even in the throws of the more difficult situations, I have the ability to be content and happy. As an optimist, I had a very difficult time "giving in" and seeking medical help. I kept telling myself it was environmental or socially driven and would naturally be alleviated at a future date. That date never came. I now realize it is chemical. My brain isn't working as it should and I have no guilt for needing medication.
My hope is that more people will let go of the "sad" idea and learn the truth. Just as each person is a unique individual, depression is unique to each individual. Pulling yourself up by the bootstraps doesn't work and you don't have to keep doing it.
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