To better understand perception in my own home, I turned to the utter mirror of my actions (drum roll please).......my teenage daughter! There is no denying the brutally honest, no holes barred, often feared opinion of your own teenage daughter! Mine is more like me every single day; I am uncertain whether the world can handle two of me. Time to find out what perceptions are reflected in my home.......
She has decided to shave her legs while we talk. Apparently, multitasking is acceptable in our home.
Our conversation:
Kaeli: OK......what are we talking about!
Me: tell me about perception.
Kaeli: what is perception?
Me: you want Miriam-Webster version?
Kaeli: sure
Kaeli (after Miriam's definition): alright.....
Me: alright, are you paying attention?
Kaeli: I don't believe in perception. I think everyone should be able to "go about" without being judged.
Me: did you understand the definition?
Kaeli: um, yeah, um I don't think you ever asked a question.
Me: I didn't, I made a declaration. You just need to explain your view.
Kaeli: well, it is evil, good, bad, nice... does that sum it up for
ya?
Me: let's try this a different way
Kaeli: (cutting me off mid-sentence) Ok, what's the next question?
Me: what is your perception of our home? Pretend our home is your only world.
Kaeli: This house is good. We don't get along good and there sure could be a change around here! First, lets get rid of every dish in the house. (I cut her off to explain a little better) She decided we need to improve the way we talk to each other and stop arguing as much.
Me: why do you think arguing is bad?
Kaeli: arguing makes people sad and not want to talk to one another. Lack of communication is what causes arguing.
Me: Let's change a bit. Imagine a couple. The couple are traditional and the husband makes all the rules. The wife must wake at 5 am, prepare and pack his breakfast and lunch for the day, lay out the husband's clothes, wake him up, put his clothes on him, never look him in the eyes, kiss him goodbye and tell him to have "a wonderful day my king." While her husband is at work, she is to prepare a seven-course meal, set the table formally, and clean the house spotless. She is never permitted to choose her own clothes, what will be cooked, whom she will speak to, etc....She also, is never allowed to argue with her husband, she must only accept what he dictates. Now, tell me about arguing.
Kaeli: MEN ARE IN NO WAY SUPERIOR TO WOMEN! I will never ,ever, ever allow a man to do that to me! I will speak my mind! No woman SHOULD EVER allow a man to treat her that way! She should stand up to him! She should leave him!!!!!
Me: you just said arguing is bad.
Kaeli: she should argue!
Me: but you said arguing is bad
Kaeli: But Uhhhhhhhhhh.......
Me: if you don't argue someone isn't expressing their opinion.
Kaeli: OK, OK, OK! Arguing is not bad, non-effective arguing is bad.
Me: I am teaching you perception.
Kaeli: OK fine!
After my experiment. Kaeli explained "it was hard because you got me angry." It changed her perception of the merit of arguing. She mounted her soapbox and stated:
"I have learned, through the compelling evidence you provided, that arguing can be good if closure is reached." Before my "moral story" Kaeli was adamant that we argue a little too much in this house. Yes, we are loud and voice our opinions often and with passion, but sometimes resolutions and concessions are reached. Kaeli said "it was hard to explain my opinion when I was angry!"
When our opinions mix with our emotions, sometimes nonsense comes out! Kaeli kept getting tongue-tied and became more and more angry. When our perception clouds our understanding, we can't make fact-based decisions! I fueled the flames by insisting "how do you know you are right?" She finally decided it truly was just her opinion and not hard fact. She didn't agree women should live that way, but could not give me one fact-based reason it should not be permitted; yet, everyday in the USA we are enslaving and denying the rights of our fellow citizens because of our clouded perceptions. What is "right?" What is "wrong?" Who makes these decisions for our fellow man?
My next post will explain why I had to follow my peer to listen to her speech. My heart went out to her as a woman, mother, sister, and friend. Our perceptions can always be altered.
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