The Little Thief!

As a child, I spent many, many long road trips and often times extreme-hiking trips with my mother. Being a schizophrenic, she went when she got "god's orders." Sadly, "god" forgot to mention little kids need to eat. I would walk and ride with her mile after mile after mile. When we ran out of gas, we walked. Depending on which mission she was on, we couldn't stop unless she said so. Most times, she would get distracted and I could find a way to steal a meal. A meal was a snickers bar and if I got really gutsy a bottled water. I was good at it or maybe gas station employees knew I was starving. I got caught once, but quickly stole a dollar from a little old ladies purse. To this day, I still love snickers, but pay for them now.

Going 12-30 hours without food as a child was torture. As I aged, I kept a "kit" on hand at all times. One can of creamed corn and one can of sweet peas. I even brought can-openers. I remember, when I was around 11,  my older sister realized I brought these items everywhere I went when I stayed overnight with her. She asked "why is there a can of corn and a can of peas in your bag?" I answered quickly, "I really like corn and peas!" She explained she could get some if she didn't already have any. What she didn't realize, was hers wasn't the only house I went to with the items in tow.

Many things from my childhood boiled over into my life even now. I don't cry, if it starts I dry it up with a quickness. No one cared when I was little if I cried or not, so I guess I learned not to. I want to cry so badly! I also read every street name as I pass. Every intersection! Survival techniques die hard I'm afraid. There are other "lingering effects" I won't discuss, simply because it hurts to tell them and since I can't cry, it will frustrate me. Trying to "break" old habits is beyond difficult.

When I look back and try to determine which ones originated where, then decide if they are useful, it is overwhelming! For instance : My husband HATES road trips with me! The entire drive from Florida to Arkansas must have been torture for him. I have this overwhelming need to know at our current distance (adjusted about every 10 miles) and speed what time will we arrive at X destination. After determining the distance and time frame desired I insist on a steady speed at the preformulated rate. I have tried not to do this, but it is beyond my control! I cannot keep myself from doing it. If I try, I look on the verge of peeing myself and he instinctively knows and tells me the speed he is traveling. I check the map, note the time, plot mileage, and announce what time we should arrive. Normally 2 hours of my questioning and he is driving 120 at a 10-2 position floating in "the zone."

These "annoyances" are hard to break! I have decided to give up actually, the little thief in me is refusing to let go of her stolen goods. Who says I need to break them anyway? Why am I pushing to break them? Does it really matter that I am impossible to ride in a car with? I understand everyone has their "little thieves" as well. Maybe a change in perspective is in order? For now, I am letting go of the "break those bad habits" ideals and just being me. Formerly tortured, now peculiar and amazing me!

"Thanks-Giving"

Thanksgiving week: busy, hectic, busy, everyone posting "what I'm thankful for facebook posts", busy, starving yourself, and finally the big meal pay off. We are supposed to remember what we are thankful for tomorrow, then post-meal shopping planning around the kitchen table for the ladies and hands in your pants, one-leg-up farting, and football for the guys. Awe, holidays in America.

What if Thanksgiving were a "fasting day" and Black-Friday a day of ZERO shopping, a "black-out" if you will? Would we feel somber? Joyous? Indifferent? Would we celebrate at all? Would time spent away from what we see as convenience truly make us more thankful?

I had one of those "wow my life is changed" days and became beyond thankful for what I have about 6 years ago. I was reading a women's magazine article about a woman that "made the most of what she had." She was giving examples of the things she had done to make her home more appealing. She set her table with candles, got new dishes, polished the floors, made new curtains, etc...she was so proud of how beautiful her home looked afterward. Her excitement was contagious! As I was reading I was coming out of the "funk" I had been in. I remembered a rug I had in a closet, some place mats and curtains I had stuffed away for years. I remembered my grandmother's china and decided to get it all out. I continued reading feeling quite pleased I had crept out of my "blues." As I read I realized her candles had been made from broken crayons she dug out of neighbor's garbage cans. The china, 5 pieces all chipped and broken. The curtains were flour sacks from a factory in the area. The floor she polished was the bottom of a sewage run-off pipe. Her spirit was vivacious! She felt no sorrow, only luck at finding all these beautiful things! Her children came home to the most beautiful, inviting home in the 3rd world slum they lived in. Here I was grabbing a damn $200 area rug out of my closet!

I was immediately yanked back to my place in the world. Groaning, moping, and whining about my "home!" How dare I! My tiny house would be a mansion to this woman! Remember if you are among the poorest of Americans, you are still richer than about 90% of the entire world!

While we all feast tomorrow and throw away our scraps, stop for just a moment! Think about others on the planet with us! We live in a bubble here in America. We are blissfully ignorant of the struggles faced by our fellow humans. In keeping with the "thanksgiving posts" on facebook. I am most thankful for having a world view. While I can save my children with a bottle of gatorade and 2 tylenol, another mother just like me is holding her baby while their last breath escapes them. While our plates will be bountiful tomorrow, a mother, just like me, will give all the food she has on her plate, a metaphorical plate because a plate is money for food not spent, to her children. Enjoy your feasts tomorrow, your plate could feed a family for a week!

Giveaway Winner!

I kept track of all entries throughout the giveaway week. This morning, I plugged the numbers into Random.org and it chose the number 3. My number 3 name is Paramod Singh ( I may have misspelled it). Congratulations! I am trying to contact him now. Thank-you everyone that entered and read my blog!

Spare the Rod! and Smile at Your Child!

Yes, that is the inside of my thigh! Today, my facebook news feed has been full of news stories of child abuse. I was particularly disturbed by one of a young-girl killed by her own parents. The parents were following a strict discipline plan laid out in the book "To Train up a Child" by Michael and Debi Pearl.

I swatted my own leg with the implements, the Pearl's advocate using in their book, chosen for infants one year and younger! The Pearl's believe literally in the bible's teaching to beat your children with a rod. On their website they refer to having beat their daughter at 6 months old with a switch simply because she was crying while they were trying to sleep. The red lines are from me "switching" myself with a weeping willow branch (the exact same kind they beat their infant daughter with) I took off the neighbors tree. The red splotch is from the wooden spoon I smacked myself with. I won't be going any further into the teachings of the book, my facebook friends will be having nightmares from my quotes of the book already, but instead I will be fighting in opposition to many christian beliefs that parents should be beating their kids with a "rod." Just so you know, I only flicked my wrist and did not beat myself. These marks weren't hard to produce and it stung pretty bad.

My first argument, and stemming from a recent conversation I had with a christian, is related to the idea that "because of Christ's death the old testament teachings are no longer valid." My daughter had titled her blog "The Bible is Over-The-Top with The Stoning" and many had expressed that she could not use the Old Testament in her arguments against christianity. I have rarely met a christian that doesn't believe in spanking and quickly quotes the Old Testament for support of their belief in such; however, when my daughter quoted it for stoning, it suddenly wasn't valid. Which is it? Can we use the Old Testament or not? Is it more along the lines of "you can use the Old Testament when it suits you?"

My second argument is that the King James version had to interpret the original word from Hebrew. Words change from generation to generation, fond, gay, cool, etc....have all changed throughout the years. I knew "rod" would be the same. The original word was "shebet" its meanings are: to branch off, tribe, staff, sceptre, offshoot, and stick. Most of the "teachings" used as proof to beat children are found in proverbs. Most mainstream religious institutions agree proverbs is to be taken figuratively not literally (I honestly think it is all one big made up tale, but for arguments sake, we'll go with one book having many different genres). If we exchange "rod" for "tribe" in this verse from proverbs 13: 24 "He who spareth the tribe, hateth his son" it takes on an entirely different meaning. I published a post a few days ago about where we used to live in Florida. You could certainly call it a "tribe" and our children thrived being part of a "tribe." Being part of a "tribe" and teaching your children to harmoniously live in one sounds right to me! Then of course, one would have to accept the teachings of the Old Testament in order for this argument to even matter. Most christians aren't stoning their kids, sending their daughters into a mob of angry, horny men to be raped, murdering entire villages of men, women, and children, honoring the sabbath day (they changed it to Sunday from Saturday) etc... Why are they insisting society accept it as their right to follow this particular teaching?

Finally, and most probably the reason christians agree with beating their kids is: they want to! It is easier, faster, and helps you get a little exercise. How else are you supposed to deal with your heathen, demon-possessed spawn? They were born with sin in their hearts and deserve to have their parents pull them up by the arm, and while dangling helplessly in the air, have their parents swing harder each time until they submit to their parents will! Parents don't want their tactics changed so they claim "god" says to do it. If Jesus is their example, why aren't they acting like him? If you were driving down the countryside and saw a shepherd in a field tending his sheep, would it shock you to see him raise up his staff with arms stretched as high over his head as he could get them, then pull the staff down with all his might until it slammed onto the back of one of his wayward sheep? Would you cringe with disgust? Would you possibly stop to rescue the sheep? Jesus loved children and even advised that people should strive to be like them! Yet, there are people believing the love, excitement, wonder, and magic only a child possesses should be driven out of them! It is in direct contradiction with the supposed savior of the entire religion!

I understand not all Christians spank their children and that there is some conflict concerning this teaching. However, those that are, need waking up. Too many people claim the god they design (through their own interpretation of texts) leads their lives. It is simply their own desire to do as they see fit, but refuse to claim responsibility for. Children are not born to please their parents or provide some other benefit to them. Children simply mimic their parents. Don't like the way your children act? Maybe you should reevaluate your own self. I am not advocating allowing children to run crazy and raise themselves. Each new stage in a child's development brings on new challenges, but unless you are willing to beat yourself for mistakes, don't hit your kids!

Times for physical discipline do arise. The other day my son ran around the back side of the car while I was loading groceries. The truck backing out next to us never saw him running for the back door to get in. At the very last second, I saw what was happening and was only able to reach the back of Blake's neck and head. I grabbed on as tight as I could and flung him backwards to me. He was so upset because he thought I was trying to choke him! It wasn't until I explained he was about to get run over that he realized I wasn't trying to hurt him. If your 1 year old is headed for a light socket with a fork, certainly a tap on the hand is ok to express what could happen had the fork made contact, but beating a child "into submission" is not ok, it is abuse.

As children age, guidance is needed and sometimes punishments, but if you listen to your child an agreed upon punishment works best. The twins had a disagreement the other week. I had each one whisper into my ear what they thought the other should receive as punishment. Natalie whispered "I think it was an accident mom, Blake should spend 30 seconds of quiet time." Blake said "Mom! She was yelling and she bent my finger back and .....she should get 30 minutes in the corner!" I announced the punishments to them and Blake lit up while Natalie's head dropped. She started to walk to the corner while he trotted to the "chill-out pillow." Then I announced they would be serving the punishment they chose for the other. I told them to learn to settle arguments themselves and this wouldn't happen again. I haven't had them come to me for any disagreements yet. No ritual beatings necessary!

Giveaway Update

In order to be entered, you need to comment on the original post, but I haven't received comments and had 200 views yesterday. I had 1 person comment, so far she is the only entry. Is it working for you? Please let me know! I don't want anyone to not be able to enter.

Thanks!

The Magical World of Positive Reinforcement Land

I am what some would call "strict." I never viewed myself as strict I just have rules and parameters that are well-established and my children are expected to follow. Step out of line......they know the consequences. My 12 year old son approached me a few weeks ago asking to be homeschooled. After explaining he would need to make a convincing case for me to agree, he decided against it. Then, his grades came in. Let's just say I was not thrilled. I called the school and requested a conference with all of his teachers.

At the conference, it was determined he simply does not do the work assigned. There is no aptitude problems and I took him to the optometrist as a precaution to rule out any issues (he is getting glasses due to an astigmatism, but it has no bearing on the freedom given by his teachers for already having partial deafness he is free in class to move closer when needed). I explained BMX is his end all and be all. If any teacher saw fit to email me of his non-compliance, I would restrict him from the BMX park until his assignments were turned in. His guidance counselor interrupted me and said "Mrs. Young, we need reassurance that if he brings these grades up you will reward his efforts." "Sure" I responded "he can keep his bike." She argued further "No, Mrs. Young, he deserves further reward for turning in those missing assignments. He needs Positive Reinforcement." I know my look said "oh hell no she just went there" because I felt my neck snap around and start bobbing at the thought. "She wants me to reward my son for doing what was required to begin with?" was all my mind kept thinking. Then my sarcastic side attempted, somehow I managed to keep my mouth shut, to say "how about a big, shiny gold star for mommy's little superstar!" I left the conference fuming. No! I will not reward my son for doing what was assigned. That is rewarding wrong behavior and it is counter-productive, it serves no good purpose.

I came home and explained what the school wanted me to do to my husband and then our son. The most surprising was my son's reply ( I thought he would be boarding the positive reinforcement train). Kaleb said "No! I don't want pity! I did not do my work, I didn't want to! I thought it was dumb and don't want to be rewarded for it! I will do my work simply because I know it is expected of me!" Wow! My kid thinks like me after all! He went on further to explain BMX is his life and he will not jeopardize it by refusing to turn in assignments. This conversation sent me down memory lane to where we lived before moving halfway across country to "Positive-Reinforcement Land."

Our older two children and my baby sister were raised in a tiny Florida town until Maggie (my sister) was 13, Kaeli was 10 and Kaleb was 8. The twins were 20 months old when we moved, so they have no recollection of it. It was redneck, crazy, close-knit, and protective. Our house was the first as you "left the paved world" and around the corner was another family with a son our kid's age and further down was another with 2 sons our kid's age. There was 1 other mother and her daughter that frequented often. Our 3 properties formed a triangle which formed our children's "safe zone." There were moderately dense woods within the triangle and our three houses sat at each corner. Each of us mom's had our signature "call." There was the pit-bull, she barked at the kids. Not yelling actual barks, 2 in a row the first loud and crisp the second less pronounced and a bit more ascending. Then there was "the warrior princess" she called like Xena "aaah-yah-yah-yah-yaaaaaah!" I was the game-show buzzer "eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." There was "the whip" she said nothing. She would raise her right arm stiff with all fingers squished and whip her neck around, cut her eyes downward and stare with laser-precision. "The whip" lived across town, but stayed in our triangle as often as possible.

The children all knew The Whip, The Buzzer, The Warrior Princess, and The Pitbull meant business! If they heard the sound, or felt lasers burning through their heads, they stopped immediately and assessed the situation. Were they out of line? Was there danger? It didn't matter they went to the source of the call to find out. All 4 of us knew the rules and all the kids knew the rules were the same in the triangle. Within the triangle, my children were safe, I knew any of these women would gladly lay their life down for my kids just as easily as their own. The expectations never changed from corner-to-corner. The kids thrived in the triangle. They were free to explore, experiment, get into "acceptable amounts of trouble," they developed their own little kingdom, and truly had no worries. The children's accomplishments were celebrated and punishments were upheld by each mother as deemed by that child's own parents. There was no sneaking past authority. Each child was so unique and I have to say, they are all stellar students. Each one of them has found their joy and their passions. They had a very structured freedom in their formative years and everyone of them is determined, amazing young men and women now. The triangle truly enabled them to accept responsibility for what they did; however, we never rewarded doing what they were originally expected to do and chose to avoid. That is not deserving of reward! Everyone of the "triangle children" accomplished beyond the expectations of the triangle when we lived there and every time it was a party! There is no reason to reward lazy, late effort!

The triangle is my proving-ground for my refusal to reward "beyond the usual" my son accomplishing his late work. I will not do it! My son has been celebrated time and time again for amazing accomplishments. If we reward everything, what then is really spectacular? I am certain he doesn't want "the triangle moms" coming after him.

My First 1,000 views GIVEAWAY!

********************************GIVEAWAY TIME!!!!*****************************


I am so excited that my blog hit 1,000 views! I am having a small giveaway of my favorite things! So, "what do I win" you're wondering? This picture shows the items (the greenish bracelet is only there for an example the silver one is the one I am giving away) in the giveaway, they are my current favorites. They are listed below:

NYX eyeshadow Love in Rio trio in En Fuego (brand new sealed in package). The package does not list the color names, but they are a shimmer champagne, a shimmer plum, and a matte blue-grey. I love this color combination for the holidays! Will make a gorgeous smokey eye for the get-togethers and parties.

A small package of Lindt Milk Chocolate Truffles.

A 3 pack of Ferrero Rochere Chocolates

A shambala-bead bracelet I enjoy making in silver beads.

Rules:
1. Entries will be taken for 1 week from tonight 11/16/13-11/23/13

2. Earn 1 entry PER DAY! Comment in the comments section under this post. Not "hey! yo' entry!" Tell me something about your holidays, your "faves" this time of year, etc....

3. Earn extra entries by sharing a post via your chosen social media, not this post, and comment down below naming which post you shared.

4. If friends visit the page and say you sent them, earn another entry! Simply have them write your name in the comments under this post.

5. Follow my blog for an extra entry.

I will tally everyone's entries and enter them into random.org for the drawing. Thanks so much for helping me reach 1,000! I am very excited. I will be posting a youtube video of the giveaway in a couple days, but my CURRENT readers get a head-start and more entries for helping me reach 1,000! My comments do have to be approved by me via email (this is to ensure the anonymity I swore to my mother), so don't worry if you don't see your comment right away. I will probably do them in batches for easier entry tallying!

THANK-YOU EVERYONE! GOOD LUCK!

Extended Perceptions

I have the downright worst virus I have had since the Shingles two years ago. I was running a fever all night, so my perceptions were utterly distorted. My dreams were wild and the slightest noises took on an entire different meaning to me.

My kids were making gingerbread men, blame Walmart for the skip from Halloween to Christmas, and my daughter left some in the oven entirely too long. I must have smelled the smoke and my dreams turned it into a wild scene. I started dreaming the house was on fire and the fire department refused to put it out. They told me I had to put the flames out myself, so they gave me buckets full of vienna sausages! As I would throw the buckets, the vienna sausages would burst into popcorn. I soon realized there were no more flames and my house was intact, but there were easily 1 million vienna sausage-popcorns to now dispose of.
Later in the night, with a fever still, I dreamed I was put in charge of the "world's computer brain." There were men in hazmat suits handing me wrenches to fix the machine and I would look for bolts to tighten. I kept saying "do you realize I have no clue how to fix this sparkling rainbow machine!" They just kept insisting I was the one chosen to maintain the brain and refused to understand I had no concept of what I was doing. I was getting furious the longer this scene went on. I can't remember much else of the dream except my utter exasperation with the ridiculousness of it.

My perceptions were terribly distorted during the "sleep-wake" of my sickness. I remember absolutely nothing accurately from the last 36 hours. This has me once again thinking of my mother and our justice system. My mother is constantly in a torment of the mind, yet the justice system's sole purpose is to get her sane enough to stand trial. If I, with a simple virus, could not make any sense of reality, how is my mother expected to do so? How is it justice to seeks a harsh penalty on a person who was not in their right mind at the time of the crime?

It leads me to believe, some form of our justice system was perverted. Are we confusing "crimes of passion" with "insanity?" My mother has decades long proof of insanity, yet I am told it will be nearly impossible to get her an "insanity plea!" Our court systems have become judge, jury, and executioner of the mentally ill. My mother is ill-equipped to defend herself from cellmates and others looking to take advantage of her medical state. At 60, 5 foot tall, and 97 pounds, she is no match for about anyone, but "justice" must be served so they say. Justice is an idea of course and the severity of justice sought depends on the people and the environment. In my corner is my schizophrenic mother whom I have no right to demand preventive measures for, but when she "breaks" (for lack of a better term) it is my fault and I hear "why din't you do sum'in bout' her?" Then in the other corner, is the rest of the world seeing a crazy-eyed lunatic that needs to be removed from society forever.

Of course, removing her from our presence would be the easiest resolution, but what about her life? Is her life being lived fully? Is "justice" for her being sought? How about others like her? I know I am not the only one coping with this set of circumstances thanks to Google. As a collective group, we need to stand up and say "hey! this isn't ok!" We expect accommodations for the physically disabled and some mentally disabled, yet my mother's group is left "out in the cold." She deserves a life where she is safe, where she is protected from the rest of us. Not in a jail cell and not in the headlines of the "local ignoramus news" labeled "Bonnie" from Bonnie and Clyde.

Raising a Freethinker

Truly, I think it all started with Rihanna's song S & M! She was 11 and simply asked "mom, what does s&m mean?" My first thought, after "oh shit", was "sugar and milk! Say sugar and milk Jennifer! SAY IT!" Of course my mouth defied me and in the most scientific terms I could think of quickly and concisely explained the true definition of S&M. She said "ooooooooo, why would anyone sing about that?" To my relief, that was the very last time we ever discussed S&M.

Since that day, I have chosen to be honest with my children. Of course, I use age appropriate definitions, but I find honesty works well. I also allow them full access to their own souls. Whatever they choose, they are allowed. I certainly do have limits, but so long as they prove it is something they truly want and not something they have been peer pressured into, I permit it. Which leads to my children's religion, or lack thereof.

I do sometimes wish they could be unquestioning sheep, especially when it comes to chores! Choosing the path my oldest daughter has is a difficult one. She is badgered and berated regularly for her atheist un-beliefs. The most disheartening is the misconceptions many have of atheists. My children have very strong moral compasses and both of their parents are happily married to each other. We believe in family, love, and truth. Anything worthy of pursuit, finds its way into our schedule. It is difficult to field some of the more difficult questions and troubling to see our children's struggles, but it makes us stronger as a family.

My daughter surprises me with her steadfast devotion to her pursuit of truth. I often encourage her to "tame it down" a bit. She immediately chastises me with "well you raised me to be this way!" I of course did raise her to stand up and not cower in the face of danger or repression. I have to give it to her, she is brave and amazing!